Thanks for nothing...

The monkey is on my back today...
A few years ago, a thyroid issue threw me into a hormonal disorder: fibromyalgia. Although the thyroid is no longer a problem (it being gone,) the fibromyalgia stays with me as a thing I must forever "manage." Going out dancing wasn't wise management...as I was already over-tired. So today, I lay in bed as if I suffer a weird cross between the flu and severe arthritis, but it is really just a "lie" my body tells my brain, as pain receptors go crazy for nothing.

But then again it's not really for nothing...I look at what I wrote last night, and I realize that part of why I have the capacity to appreciate moments that might instead just reflect wildly off the convex glazing of my eyes is that it always costs me something. Having good friends over that haven't visited for a while but who need to make the visit late at night? Is it worth it? What will the exhaustion cost me tomorrow? By the ounce, I can weigh the cost of pain on a sensitive scale...but such weighing of the cost...it puts the tangible value on many things that I might otherwise sashay past without any respect, any purposeful appreciation...
So I guess thanks for nothing, Body. You, too, Brain. My only hope is that others don't realize when it is costing me something to give myself to them...because it would turn our moments together pathetic. And my other thanks is that I have a husband who gets all of this about me, and doesn't let me get pathetic all on my own (grin).