The Spectre Explored and Returned

Time passed and that one I'd first known as a Spectre
that one who was now a dear brother-son
came back to visit me.

I'd had quite a revelation since our last communing.
For I'd learned
He was the fulfillment of an earlier dream-event.
I recorded it back in November of 2007 in a journal:

What happens after faith finds level ground? Naturally, faith faces its next challenge. For me, it came in the form of a dream again. In this one, I stood to the left of my Lord Jesus. One of His adversaries--I hesitate to ascribe it to Lucifer himself at this point--looked at Him and said, "I'll give You them for her."

I didn't know who "they" were, but hearing mention of them put me in mind of a dream Nolan had one time when he was very small. He doesn't even remember it now, but he told me then of a dream in which people were riding on a roller coaster through space on their way to heaven. But then he said, some people accidentally fell out, but they were ok because they were given some sort of pillow to land on so the fall wouldn't hurt them. Somehow this "they" reminded me of Nolan's dream.

I looked at my Lord then to see what He would say to His enemy, but He simply looked at me. Thunderstruck, I realized this was for me to decide. For several years now, I've had a deeply interactive relationship with Him. He speaks to me with "birds and lilies" with sunrises and sunsets so intimately I melt. I have been deeply joyful under His authority, secure despite all circumstances. Now as I considered this interchange, all I really understood about it was that I would be willingly stepping out under another authority--one whose benevolence was hardly certain.

I looked at my Lord and said, "I need to know Your heart in this." (I didn't realize I thus fulfilled prophecy insuring my future protection, as one who inquires of the Lord. The fingers of discernment reach deep into my inward places; may it ever be so. Amen.) Then He looked at me and planted more than my son's dream in my head. He reminded me that the "accidental falling" of my son's dream had an ancient-law reflection point: in Leviticus.

Lev 4:22
When a ruler hath sinned, and done [somewhat] through ignorance [against] any of the commandments of the LORD his God [concerning things] which should not be done, and is guilty;
Lev 4:23
Or if his sin, wherein he hath sinned, come to his knowledge; he shall bring his offering, a kid of the goats, a male without blemish:
Lev 4:24
And he shall lay his hand upon the head of the goat, and kill it in the place where they kill the burnt offering before the LORD: it [is] a sin offering.
Lev 4:25
And the priest shall take of the blood of the sin offering with his finger, and put [it] upon the horns of the altar of burnt offering, and shall pour out his blood at the bottom of the altar of burnt offering.
Lev 4:27
And if any one of the common people sin through ignorance, while he doeth [somewhat against] any of the commandments of the LORD [concerning things] which ought not to be done, and be guilty;
Lev 4:28
Or if his sin, which he hath sinned, come to his knowledge: then he shall bring his offering, a kid of the goats, a female without blemish, for his sin which he hath sinned.

Somehow, this distinction between ruler and common, between male and female offered--this figured into the moment, as well as the element of inadvertence--a sin that was not intentional rebellion toward God. Then I remembered two other interchanges with my Lord that sobered me about the prospect of going through with this offering: in one, my Lord looked at me, wistfully almost, and said, "One day, you will leave me." "Oh, no!" I cried. "Never voluntarily! I love you, and our relationship--well, surely nothing could lure me away from what I have with You now." But He pressed the point, "But you must. Because you love me--this is why I can come after you." This should bolster my courage, but also haunting me was the remembrance of the dream in which my Lord looked at me with almost anguished eyes, took hold of my shoulders and said, "I hope you can forgive me for this--" and I thought of how the Father and Son must have dealt with those moments in Gethsemane. The interim time--would my heart break beyond repair in that time? Would I be able to hang on to my desire to do His will at all costs? A cost to be counted indeed.

Weighing all these in the balance, and while my courage was as yet unchallenged, I stepped across the chasm to stand beside the Adversary. Suddenly, many tiny points of soft light flew around from behind us--dots of brightness that launched across to the other side. I perceived much rejoicing ensued over their arrival.

So I experienced then, and for 4 years now, I've lived and breathed under that watch, with little but the quiet, symbolic voice of the Spirit to guide my inner movements...and also these interchanges with the Spectre under the watch, I'd presume, of the Adversary. At the moment, I do not perceive them to be one and the same...but I may learn differently.

But a sudden knowing told me this: the things foretold were coming to be reality. He was but a firstfruit flash of all those points of light that were to know a joyful homecoming. If one could leap the chasm, then surely all predestined could come along with him. I don't know whether the one who bargained for me really believed this part of the prophecy would ever be fulfilled--I expect he believed rather that I was surely too weak and ignorant to run this mysterious race its full course, but it now appears that I did complete my "mission" and so I am pleased that my sacrifice, if you will, was not in vain! This I'd learned from the Spirit while that first star in passing had been flying about evangelizing and renewing acquaintances.

Upon his return, another revelation came as well--the happy conclusion of a heavy-hearted beginning; once again, spawn of a dream given years ago. I remembered the dream that first introduced me to the Spectre. After I saw him approaching in that starless black sky, I saw a circle of creatures praying, and there was a gap in their circle. One of them invited me to join then, and the hum of their voices sounded good to me, so I stepped into their circle; and it was as if I completed an electrical current there. I learned much after that about the call of a prophet being symbolized as that of abeing gap-filler, but at that moment of vision my only thought was, "Why this is nowhere NEAR strong enough to counter that great hulk of death-power that approaches!" And my heart has ever since carried the nugget of expectation that somehow that power would be increased.

This day, the vision of that circle, rarely one in my conscious mind of late, nevertheless returned full strength. Only now, I saw the next part of the story: I turned to the Beautiful Spectre now who stood behind my right shoulder, and I broke the circle to reach a hand of invitation toward him. His step into the circle was miraculous! That he received the invitation of vulnerable trust offered by those who once were set to defend against him--this was wonder enough; but greater still was what came of this unforeseen union! Sudden power, crackling and popping, arcing out in its excess, flaring too bright for eyes to comprehend even across the circle! Power so electrifying we almost could not hang on as it coursed from one hand to another.

I sobbed at this vision...breathing like one who is deeply shocked or else who has run a great race. "Oh, God...I never could have imagined this was what was to come!" I cried.

Your smiling response, solemn even as it was tender: "But isn't that how My work always goes?"

The Hike

(a fable for my husband...for Father's Day.)




Once there was a man who went to a wooded park
to take a hike.

The park was large and filled with wonders
So much so that a map was drawn to guide
hikers in their rambles.

When the man arrived at the park
he received one of those maps,
and he took it to a little outdoor amphitheater
near the park's entrance.

Many people sat on wooden benches there
with all their maps spread out before them.
They discussed and debated their maps,
holding them all different directions.

They considered the best route to take.
They marveled at the nuances of the map's design
and anticipated how this would aid their hiking ventures.

The man listened for a while;
But then he grew restless,
Meanwhile the others began to argue over their maps.
They began to disagree strongly,
As some began to doubt the scale,
while others wondered
just how accurate the map could possibly be.

"Did any of you actually know the cartographer?"

Finally, some set the maps on the benches
and simply left the park entirely.

The man almost joined the arguers.
Next he almost joined the leave-takers but then...

He saw a little boy,
A little boy just waiting.

"Has it always been like this?" the man asked the child.

The child looked around, assessing the atmosphere all around him.

"Pretty much," the child said, dropping his head back again
resting it on the wooden bench where he lay.
He went back to watching the clouds roll overhead.

"What do you see up there?"
the man asked, amused.

"The only thing that would look the same
if I were actually hiking," the child said.

The child's voice
--as much as his words--
gave the man thoughts of hope and sadness
Like two trees, appearing separate
but whose roots intertwine deep under the ground.

"Sometimes, I wonder how much good that map is really doing," the child observed dreamily.

"They're forgetting the point isn't the map. The map is a tool to point the way.
The point is the hike!"
The man grew adamant and became quite frustrated.

But just then, the child sat up eagerly.
"Are you going to actually...take the hike?" he asked.
"If you do, can I come along?"

And so they went.