the grass is always...oh never mind

Why I'd make a good hermit:

1) I like obscure, out of the way havens, and entertain myself well without need of human inspiration.
2) No one to expect me to be in an infectiously good mood.
3) No one to come up to me shrieking, "Where are the scissors!?!"
4) Always knowing the answer to #3.
5) The remote: never missing.
6) The cordless phone: same story.
7) No one to interrupt me with sudden unexpected whining and yelling.
8) No need for me to interrupt anyone else because of said whining and yelling.
9) No one to make me start whining and yelling. (usually about remotes, phones and scissors.)
10) Milk left out on the counter overnight? No agonizing, soul-searching cross-examination to uncover who would commit such a gross infraction and why.
11) No looking in the mirror, telling myself what to do, then repeating the process three or four times because I'm not paying attention to myself.
12.) Toilets.

Someday, when all these things come true, I will look back on this list and shed a wistful tear. But tonight, I don't have time. I must grab someone by the toe and drag him kicking and screaming off to bed. (and no, I don't mean you my bronchitis-ridden husband, I know you'll rest and get well...you couldn't breathe in the damp cave air that is a hermit's abode...but when I do take to the caves, you're welcome to the adjoining one...)