Empty.....

....after the last few days....empty to the things we have been feeling. Even when I am confronted with the messages that I assume to be directly from Him, I still feel empty. I don't know if I can will you through this...ask you to do this that is so fraught with uncertainty. I feel myself drawing to you...to envelop you, to center you. I wish no more than to be healthy with you, to grow old, to look back on the thousands of things we did as foolish youngsters...to play with our kids kids, to play without the fear of history. God is asking us something, this I am sure. My heart tells me this. Yet the more he asks, the more I fear losing. I am aware of the eternal aspect of our beings, yet I am not strong enough to release this current, happy time. I have been given an amazing gift in my life with you....He is going to have to show me the outcome, the other side of the stained window, before I can risk it. I feel that even the asking will change us, and I can not say for the good. My heart belongs to you....I can't deny it. Is He asking me to change that? Can I see a different kind of love?