Thursday, May 04, 2006

Maybe Charles needs some Vicodin

I've delayed giving this blog a title, because honestly I don't know where it will travel...I know, however, that I am in the mood to share, albeit I'm not sure where the tour-guide in my sub-conscious will take me.

I do know, however, that tomorrow is "International No-Pants Day". How or where this day achieved this designation I don't know, but I do know that hundreds of otherwise normal people will tomorrow eschew slacks, drawers, shorts, trousers, high-waters, jeans, sans-a-belts, and plain ole' pants for, I would guess.....well.....kilts....kilts would be a tremendous tool for people to declare their allegiance to No Pants Day. I have discovered, however, that buying a kilt is no easy proposition...there exists no such thing as the "Sears Kilt Outlet, or "J C Kilts (Oh where is the Scottish Store of SNL fame when you need it...."If It's Not Scottish, It's CRRAAAPPPP). Anyway, I plan to celebrate tomorrow by sparing the world the sight of my pantsless visage, as I am giving a drum demonstration at a Christian school...best not to incur the Wrath (upper case W) of God on that one...

The fates have seen fit to allow me a bit of time at home this week, and, once again, God shows his knack for these timing things by putting me at home the exact week my wife is suffering from a rather nasty headache-sickness-puny thingy. I would have been beside myself if I were 1000 miles away, listening to her try to keep the cogs of the household moving when she was practically on life support (others call it Vicodin)....I've been on the big V, and let me tell you, it's hard to string A-B-C together while under it's influence, nevermind try to cook and outfit 3 relatively dependent children for a week...it wouldn't have suprised me a bit to come home and find them duct-taped to the ceiling, while my wife sobbed and clutched a beheaded parrot in the corner. Thank you, God, for sparing me that visual...and thank you for taking care of her, as well....

On the work front, this week has given me a bit of decompression time from my Las Vegas hangover...LV is a world unto itself these days....It's like they have constructed a reality-proof dome over the city, effectively shielding it from anything that resembles the real world. The entire city reminds me of a cross between "The Truman Show" and "Jerry Springer". I can't, for the life of me, imagine living there. Unless you are running away from something, or have utterly given up on life....well, any life I can imagine living...and as a post script to that, I watched Charles Barkley on SportsCenter this morning confess that he has probably lost 10 million dollars gambling, playing cards....and that he has no intention of stopping, just cutting down to 1000 dollars per hand, rather than 10000 dollars per hand, because he likes the idea of beating the casino out of their money.....Glad to hear you have a handle on that monkey, Chuck...10 million dollars....it boggles the mind...how do you think they built those casinos, Chas?... not on the Abe Lincoln I dropped in the Rio last week....not on 5.99 steak and lobster buffets at the Frontier...how many kids could you have sent to college with that 10 large you flushed at the Mirage (fitting name, huh)....I think that the "rush" of keeping 5 million people from starving to death last year would have beat the hell out of your selfish, unfathomable sickness...I used to like you, C...

...but then again, what did I expect...at least you still have your pants

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