No sugarplums in this suite. The other day I talked about something from my private, more fantastic journal...today I am wondering whether to post from it again. For the second time, I have had an encounter with power in a half-waking half-dreaming state. I had it last night. The other time was last July. I feel the urge to bring my metaphysical life a little more out in the open lately, so here goes. The big plunge:
Dream #1: Last July while camping. A couple in anguished fighting couldn't help but be heard by their nearest neighbors: us. By 11 or so, they'd quieted. By 12, I had this dream. I dreamed of a field of sky that was utterly black...no stars, no moon. Just one huge object coming toward me. At first, I thought it looked like a space ship, but on closer inspection, I felt like it had once been alive. And I felt that it was even yet conscious. Here is how I described it a few days after it occurred, as I was trying to process it. I had to wait a bit, the feelings attached to it were so strange:
Saturday night around midnight, I had a very strong feeling of disquiet, like free-floating anguish. (It was July 30 into 31 of 2005.) Then, I had a vision that makes me wonder if I saw Lucifer. Was he coming to the earth, moving over it? Was the antichrist born or somehow established this day? What is this dream vision about? This angel of darkness looked like an intricate crystal at his core, only he was covered in spikes like a gum ball fallen from a tree. The shape, however, was not round. It was more like multiple, conjoined tetrahedrons, a shape that was like a pyramid going up resting on a pyramid going down, and the same sideways, but covered in spikes. A dead brown crust, like long dead leaves, covered this core, only unlike leaves, this crust was sticky-looking, not crumbly. I could tell that before the brown death covered it, when it was clear and light could penetrate it easily, the "light" of God pouring through it would have had the effect of a glorious prism shooting beams of color out like a million rainbows. On either side of him were steel-looking arcs, so narrow as to look like steel cords; only they looked broken, delicate in their incompleteness. And they were huge. All of him seemed massive. Whether these arcs once had more to them, I couldn't say. They may have been the spirit "wheels" that the prophet Ezekiel describes as being on the heavenly creatures he saw. I asked God to allow me to see what this creature's former state looked like, but God said no, to see him in his former state would lead me to feel compassion over the ugly, lonely hulk that remains, and now was not the time to feel compassion for him. So I cannot even guess at the glory of the wings/wheels, their former beauty. But I know that as I watched this thing approach me in a black starless sky, I sensed terrific coldness; loneliness that was insanely deep; and massiveness and power that made me understand how people could confuse this power with the power of God. It was so big that it was hard to sense the intent of it, whether positive or negative---because the power itself was so massive. Were it not for the underlying sense of sadness and negativity, as well as the decay I saw, I might not have comprehended the badness of it myself. I looked up Lucifer. My Bible shows that the translation for the name Lucifer is Day Star, and interestingly, I saw the word Morning Star is a name for Christ, too, so I need to continue doing a little follow-up on this to confirm it, but if that is right, Day Star could easily describe the pre-fallen state of what I saw!
The feel I got was sadness, decay and coldness; a sense of lost beauty and horrible aloneness. The total lack of intimacy with anything must still pain him or else he would not attempt to recreate the communion of the saints with the Satanic or pagan orgy. He must still on some level want what he had with God, only he wants to have it without submitting to God. He tried to gain Christ, but failed. He could not break the communion of God and His Son. He offered Christ the only substitute he has ever known for intimacy: power. Christ did not take the bait. The display of the power of the dark being is indeed terrible and awesome, for this has become his solace, though small solace it is; for underneath it all, he knows it is never destined to be anything more than second best. Yet he cannot release pride and mistrust enough to find redemption himself. Elijah once asked me, Would God ever forgive the Devil? Personally, I think He would; if the Devil would ever come to a place of asking with his whole heart. But instead, power has become the closest thing to an intimate companion that he can find...no, the closest thing that he will accept. He won't humble himself to pay the price to have more.
Dream #2: Last night, as I prayed for clarity. Standing in the gap for so many as I see them walking in a relationship to You, Lord, that does not have that intimacy and open communication that we have. Wondering why I have it...why my husband has You leading him so pointedly through dreams...wondering as You tell us that You've already answered our question about the next step, and yet feeling like we still aren't sure what You want. Praying...praying last night that the restraint You show would move out of the way, that Your essence would become apparent to everyone. Feeling like you knelt to grip my shoulders as I slumped at Your feet. Hearing you say, "for now we must hold back." Then I ask: "but when the appointed time comes, You won't hold back, right?" Then the moment of power exposure. For the first time ever, I got a glimpse of what the ancient prophets saw that caused them to describe spirit beings with other than human characteristics, for you morphed into the lion I've heard You can be. Oh my vision was very limited. We are not in an age where such revelation is easily received, but even in that misty place, your face changed. The color went to a red similar to this, but not...I couldn't describe it really. The nose became enough like a snout to make me think bear, your "form" as it will be for that moment of battle, but mostly it was in your lion-eyes that startled me. The eyes had sufficient ferocity of power to match the devil crystal, yet You let him think he'll outsmart You, catch You in the net of Your own infallible law. His power you can easily match, the question is what strategy to employ while staying within the rules of the game. How amazing that You care to show us any of this. How can we matter enough for You to reveal this amazing game that is so much beyond our comprehension? How silly that we think we know so much. You were kind to me in that You only showed me Your warrior self for an instant. It was enough, I am confident of what can be there--what will be there--when the time comes.
When I think of these two brief encounters with power and how one day they will go head to head in plain view for everything that ever has or will be a living being, in front of the very earth itself...which has more sense than we do, for it aches and longs for this battle to be accomplished, as it will then be "healed"...when I consider these things, now that I've see both the good and bad power potentials that are currently hiding themselves to a degree, leaving us to make our decisions, I stand in awe. We go along obliviously, even going so far as to say that the higher reality is a sham and this image-place is the real world. One day we will all, like Neo in the Matrix, wake up to the truth. And like in the movie, there will be those who do not have the raw courage to face anything but life in the dream world. That, however, will not serve as an excuse. With our false senses of power we make the beds we will ultimately lie in, but not really so oblivious are we. We know good and bad as they are made evident in the uses of power. We know good from evil in the realm of force and justice, no matter what we may embrace as truth or falsehood. We all know when injustice happens, we recognize good and bad in the way power is wielded. When I think of the day when the greatest powers from beyond this universe will come out in the open, I laugh. What an ironic moment it will be for those who consider themselves to sit on "thrones" and reign over other people's lives in this day. To come into the presence of powers that--both the good one and the bad one--are so great that you can literally only collapse and hope that the right one catches you up...I feel like we play games with power like little kids play house or cops and robbers...Now my prayer has changed--instead of quit holding back--it is, Oh my God, get us ready before You do whatever You have planned to do.
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