OK...

....a first for me...I haven't blogged in a while...don't know why...as I reflect, it seems to me that I have not had a consistent line of thought for days....if you could read my mind now, it would read as a Larry King "News and Views, Random Thoughts" column. I can't explain this (other than another example of my adult ADD), but I don't seem to have a problem focusing on something now...

I am, for the first time, really questioning the amount of time I am on the road, away from home. As has been chronicled elsewhere on the blog, my son Elijah has been having problems with another child at his school. The situitation seems to be reaching some sort of resolution, but has also served to bring to mind, again, that there are things that I can't be a part of, due to my extensive travel. It is getting to me. I don't feel like I am present enough to teach my children the things a father should, like how to defuse a bully. I am not available to take my child to the emergency room, to lend a shoulder, or to do anything other than to be a dis-embodied voice over the phone, proffering a wholly-inadequate "you'll be ok"..."I love you". I should be doing more.

So starts the battle....the struggle between being a actual, live, present parent, and providing for my family, in a career that I truly like and am very good at. My absence is having an effect on me, and I would anticipate my family as well. I have gone to God about this, but am at a loss as to what to do. I have trusted Him on some very big things lately, and He has recently shown Himself in a very real way. I hope He is not too busy on other things....like me...