The Unexamined Life...

...only in this case, the reference does not lead to the more common corrective axiom. Oswald Chambers claims that good can be the enemy of the best, so dare I pause in this busy life to take this challenge: how much good do I do just to have my life "examined" by others and marked as well-lived? How hard do I work to earn the recognition of a few carefully screened peers? Do I deceive myself, thinking I have noble aims when I strive to be "made all things to all [men], that I might by all means save some..." when really I'm simply working to "save" a self-image? How often is this the case? To consider such a thing is a daunting form of self-examination; nevertheless, it is the lonely, barren road that You've called me to spend a season traveling.

And Your teaching methods--they are so mysterious and unlike much of what I've been taught to call education; yet I must admit, they are masterful in their effectiveness. I remember that when I was a child, I told my mother I would grow up to be famous, and she laughed at me, and I was offended. Now, I am grown and living as my own opposite, but still living for the same dying motive that drove me as a child. I see myself resonate with the characted in "Good Will Hunting" who seeks the antithesis of fame, desires an annonymous life and calls it noble, but for all the wrong reasons: more for control than for humility. Mostly he just wants to manage what set of humanity has the power--or even enough information--to judge his life's value. I learned I'm like him.

And so You isolated me. For my own good You locked me up with You and You alone. Starting almost a year ago, You set me apart. In fact, I dreamed You put me in a rocky pit that was mysteriously full of light where I sat in its dry depths, though darkness was above at the mouth of the well all was light below. I can tell You now, tell You what You were trying to draw out from my soul with that dream. I am "there" now and ready to answer the question, the final examination for this "class" You had me take.

The exam is one question: What is this pit that has light at its depth but not at its mouth? This pit of invisibility does indeed have light at its depth when all the visible world above is dark, and its light is its hidden beauty. Shall I cite my resources? In the words of the celebrated:

"There are two kinds of people, those who do the work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there."--Indira Gandhi

"Don't mistake anonymous for unnecessary."--Charles Swindoll

And the motherlode:

"In fact, some of the parts that seem weakest and least important are really the most necessary. And the parts we regard as less honorable are those we clothe with the greatest care. So we carefully protect from the eyes of others those parts that should not be seen, while other parts do not require this special care. So God has put the body together in such a way that extra honor and care are given to those parts that have less dignity. This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other equally--I Cor. 12:22-25

So often You teach me according to this same pattern: it starts with a mysterious hook in a dream or a quirky life redundnacy that poses a seemingly absurd question. Then comes the long trial of faith where none of the life-pieces fit together with any rational, emotional or spiritual meaning. Finally comes the unveiling of rightness and holy logic. I arrive yet again at the breath-taking wisdom and depth of purpose that keep me on my knees in this relationship of Ours. I am ever cycling through Your teaching like I march through the seasons of this world-age.

At last, I have arrived at that time for resting peacefully under the snow; but soon this soil will break open in the warmth of another spring. What have I learned? The richest soil--and the soil You most applaud in parable--is the soil best hidden by the abundance of life that blankets it...