There Is Room at the Cross...

...so go lyrics of an old hymn, if memory serves.

The more I fall in love with You, the more I wish I could climb up on that Cross with You, and not because I have some Messiah complex; but rather because You have planted a compassion in my heart that reaches back to You. I would climb up there to give You a focal point in that period when the Father had to turn away from You. My sinful past grants me a strange liberty to be with You when You were alone that way, to that very last moment of your human-body consciousness. And I entertained a prayer-visualization of as much...one with that strange way of ending, going outside my self-determined day-dreaming. I saw myself with You, beseeching You to keep me as a focal point much like a birthing coach would direct the woman in labor to focus on the picture or teddy bear or baby gown that she brought with her to the hospital. Focus on that thing that keeps her striving toward the goal rather than losing herself to the pain. I put myself, and all the Church with me, in that role. "Focus here!" I cried. And after an anguished roll of Your head to look up at me, You said, "It is finished," and gave up the ghost, as they say. I didn't anticipate Your last words finding a place in the dream-prayer.

So I looked in Scripture to see what happened on that Cross just before You said those famous words. In the book of John it says:

Jhn 19:26
When Jesus therefore saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, Woman, behold thy son!

Jhn 19:27
Then saith he to the disciple, Behold thy mother! And from that hour that disciple took her unto his own [home].

Jhn 19:28

After this, Jesus knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the scripture might be fulfilled, saith, I thirst.

Jhn 19:29
Now there was set a vessel full of vinegar: and they filled a sponge with vinegar, and put [it] upon hyssop, and put [it] to his mouth.

Jhn 19:30
When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost.

Up until that fateful moment, Your words continued to be for the benefit of others--but somehow to fulfill scripture in that last moment You spoke a personal need. It was that moment of Your death that my spirit felt drawn to join. "I thirst," You said. They lifted the sponge to You.

But then over time, I came to wonder whether such an offer of myself as that source of comfort in Your moment of need, was it too full of audacity? Would it offend that pinnacle moment of Your humanity to have a sinner attempt to bring You comfort in Your agony? Was it a distraction rather than a peace? Was it, beneath it all, just me seeking one more affirmation that I have profound and deep relationship with You? So I told You I would renounce the prayer-dream if it offends Thee.

But last night I received a phone call.
Our church is presenting a special service for the children on Easter morning. It has a pack of a dozen eggs for a theme. As each egg is "cracked open" an item falls out that is a tangible reminder of the Crucifixion and the Resurrection so the children might learn. The call came from the man directing the drama.

"I have one role not yet cast. I don't even have the script written for it," he said. "I kept going through my list of drama volunteers trying to find someone, and then your name popped into my mind, like you were the one who was supposed to take the discussion of this item.
Would you be the one to talk about the sponge?" he asked.
My prayer stands as originally made.