Lord of the dead flies...

...Dead flies putrefy the perfumer's ointment, and cause it to give off a foul odor; so does a little folly to one respected for wisdom and honor. Eccl. 10:1

Seems like a little folly is trying to get a grip on my thinking--destroy the aroma of any wisdom and honor that have been planted within me.

In fact, I feel like this has been a year of skimming dead flies out of what is supposed to be beautiful ointment, God. And lately, the perfume that is turned sour-smelling is even Your very word. Why should I be pegged for such a desert temptation? The bowl of ointment is set in that book of Ecclesiastes.

I see this:
"One [upright] man among a thousand I have found, but a woman among all these I have not found."
(and the dead fly says: you are a woman, so there no chance for you to be pleasing to God.)

and this:
"The labor of fools wearies them"
(and the dead fly says, you've done much complaining about being sick and weary in your labor this year, so you are that fool.)

and this:
"through idleness of hands the house leaks"
(and the dead fly says, your house leaked this winter, so even as I slap you on one side of the face for being weary in a labor that is foolish, I'll also remind you with a slap on the other cheek that signs are in place to tell that you're not working hard enough.)

and this:
"Do not curse the king, even in your thought; do not curse the rich even in your bedroom."
(and the dead fly reminds how just last night lying in bed, my husband and I shared thoughts on the observations of my eldest during his recent visit with his aunt and uncle. These relatives of his are ones who use Your name as a means for accumulating wealth--promoting what I've read is a philosophy of life called the "deuteronomic formula" [although they don't call it this, they call it having the faith to live in the favor of God.] Living by faith will bring prosperity, always--[they say] just look at us! What is this philosophy? A law of cause and effect that permits God to have no higher wisdom than what makes His children worldly rich and the golf buddies of world leaders. But I am poor and suffer a lot lately. Am I therefore evil? What's more, I am shocked and offended by the fact that this is way of believing is nothing but a law of cause and effect rather than a relationship of growing intimacy and love between two beings, one of whom is the creator. Should I not be offended at the loss of that relationship? But the dead fly says, are they not rich? This counts as cursing the rich.)

So many flies, God--all showing up at once. Dead ones, not the singular live one that is to come at Your whistle.

So what is my response, as I pick up my skimmer and consider the work at hand?
First tears, and self-loathing. Particularly now, as that dead fly has put much time and effort into making this point: I will not be able to fulfill my side of God's covenant with me. First, tears; then confession and requests for prayer. Finally, an answer from God. One of those single sentences from a voice that is so large. "All has not yet been revealed." And I was quiet for a while after that answer was given. Then I read again.

"Whoever breaks through a wall will be bitten by a serpent." So I wonder why I should be surprised that in my efforts to break through a wall, I'd come upon the biting serpent--even this wall that You've shown me in dreams You'd have me break. What are the verses that I'd set out for reflection as I stand before that hissing beast?

How about this:
"For the living know that they will die; but the dead know nothing. And they have no more reward, for the memory of them is forgotten. Also their love, their hatred, and their envy have now perished; nevermore will they have a share in anything done under the sun. (and I say to the dead fly--I have seen the place for these dead ones. It is indeed coming to be the time for that evaporation of love, hatred and envy among those for whom these things can make no difference. This is grace.)
"Go eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart; (and I think, is this not a scene of holy Communion with the Christ?) For God has already accepted your works." (it is settled before it is even begun.)

and this:
"The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to men of understanding, nor favor to men of skill; but time and chance happen to them all." (and I say to that last fly as I skim it off the rainbow-ed surface of the perfume, "Your reckoning is wrong because all along you've measured with the wrong tool. Who can with accuracy measure all that is to be in time and chance? Thus, who can measure God? And even more clearly ring those words now: 'All has not yet been revealed.' ")

The flies are removed; and all is ready. Breathe deeply after God mixes in those last spices.
How's the bouquet now? (smile)