An Afterword to All This, nd not my own...

Quotes from a book by Ken Gire called The Divine Embrace:

on the idea of how God speaks to each of us individually, as given metaphorically by the written Hebrew word:
The language of the OT is somewhat elusive because it was originally written only with consonants. The vowels, which were easily deduced by Hebrew readers, were omitted from the text. It wasn't until around A.D. 1000 that a group of Jewish scholars, known as the Masoretes, added vowels to the OT text. Even today, in most written Hebrew, such as a contemporary Jerusalem newspaper, the vowels are absent...
'Like the Hebrew alphabet,' Buechner writes, 'the alphabet of grace has no vowels, and in that sense his words to us are always veiled, subtle, cryptic, so that it is left to ourselves to delve their meaning, to fill in the vowels for ourselves by means of all the faith and imagination we can muster. God speaks to us in such a way, presumably, not because he chooses to be obscure but because, unlike a dictionary word whose meaning is fixed, the meaning of an incarnate word is the meaning it has for the one it is spoken to, the meaning that becomes clear and effective in our lives only when we ferret it out for ourselves.' " (pp.105-106)

on the ministry of Schweitzer, and how he dealt with the church in authority over his work condemning his doctrine:
"He went to Africa under the auspices of the conservative Missionary Society of Paris, but because of his theological views he agreed not to preach there but only to practice medicine. Years later, he told journalist Norman Cousins: 'I decided to make my life my argument. I would advocate the things I believed in terms of the life I lived and what I did.' (pp.154-155)

on the motivations that drive the likes of Pharisees and followers of Messiah:
"When our territory is threatened, a self-protective instinct rushes to suppress the threat. In the natural world, our competitive nature has helped us to survive. In the spiritual world, though, mere survival--whether it is the survival of a relationship or a business or a ministry or even of our physical existence--isn't the highest of heavenly concerns...John [the Baptist] knew he had been called to a dance, not a dance competition. "He must increase but I must decrease." John was so in tune with the divine orchestrations of events that he knew his place on the dance floor as well as the steps to the dance that God had ordained for him. And not one of those steps was a competitive one or even a self-protective one." (pp. 171-172)

on looking at the spiritual "last stand" of the martyr Ignatius:
"If Ignatius teaches us anything, it is this: The fear of criticism is silenced by falling in love. If we fall in love with Jesus, not only will nothing on this earth attract us, nothing on this earth will intimidate us." (p.177)

on the burdens unwelcome in the church of today, as quoted from Buechner's Whistling in the Dark:
Alcoholics Anonymous or A.A. is the name of a group of men and women who acknowledge that addiction to alcohol is ruining their lives. Their purpose in coming together is to give it up and help others do the same. They realize they can't pull this off by themselves. They believe they need each other, and they believe they need God. The ones who aren't so sure about God speak instead of their Higher Power...
Nobody lectures them, and they do not lecture each other. They simply tell their own stories with the candor that anonymity makes possible. They tell where they went wrong and how day by day they are trying to go right. They tell where they find the strength and understanding and hope to keep trying. Sometimes one of them will take special responsibility for another--to be available at any hour of the day or night if the need arises. There's not much more to it than that, and it seems to be enough. Healings happen. Miracles are made.
You can't help thinking that something like this is what the Church is meant to be and maybe once was before it got to be Big Business. Sinners Anonymous. 'I can will what is write but I cannot do it,' is the was Saint Paul put it, speaking for all of us. 'For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do' (Romans 7:18-19 RSV)...No matter what far place alcoholics end up in, either in this country or virtually anywhere else, they know that there will be an A.A. meeting nearby to go to and that at that meeting they will find strangers who are not strangers to help and to heal, to listen to the truth and to tell it. That is what the Body of Christ is all about.
Would it ever occur to Christians in a far place to turn to a Church nearby in hope of finding the same? Would they find it? If not, you wonder what is so Big about the Church's Business." (pp. 186-187)

...and on the why of this seemingly inevitable mutation that strikes almost every God-movement collectively claimed and named by men--why do they forget what drove their first love, the deep-knowing that Jesus came not for the healthy but for those needing a physician? In a word: perfectionism. A quote from Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird.
I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each steppingstone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it. (p.180)

...so in light of all this, how do we pray? Gire closes the book with this reader's prayer:

Thank You, Lord Jesus,
Thank you for calling my name, extending your hand and inviting me
not only to be with you but to partner with you
in the work you are doing in the world.
How honored I feel that you not only want to dine with me
but also to dance with me.
Take my hand and draw me into the divine embrace.
In that embrace, help me to see myself not through my own eyes
but through yours.
Help me not to worry about my feet or wonder about the steps ahead
but merely to feel the music, fall into your arms, and follow your lead.
Thank you for all the places you are wanting to take me,
for all the things you are wanting to show me there and to tell me there.
I love the way you love me.
Strong and wild. Slow and easy. Heart and soul. So completely.
I love the feel of your name on my lips.
Jesus.
I is a beautiful name. No, it is the most beautiful name.
For all the longings I have for you, and for everything that stirs those longings,
I thank you.
I do love you so much. I long to love you even more.
Even more.
Help me to love you the way you deserve to be loved,
the way your Father loves you.
Like you are to him, I pray that you would be the delight of my life.
I pray that you would become my deepest hunger and my most satisfying food,
my most intense thirst and my most refreshing drink.
I know that if I just catch the slightest glimpse of your face
or hear the most distant echo of your voice that I will love you more.
So I ask for eyes to see all that in some way reflects you and ears to hear
all that in someway speaks of you.
I pray I could love you more each day than I did the day before
until, at last, metaphor becomes reality,
when I will see you face-to-face,
fall into your arms,
and dance!

What do you call faith?

Something a fellow forum member posted in a thread I asked to revisit regarding the things I blogged yesterday. I was in great crisis yesterday as I faced the question under a naked and glaring bulb: how do I receive You, Lord Jesus? Then I saw what my forum-friend wrote, and I heard the sermon by Driscoll, and I began looking in the right direction.

I spent a lot of time recently looking at the claims of one website which denounced Eldredge, Miller, Bell, McLaren, and many others. While some of the claims against some authors, notably Tony Campolo, had some merit, many other claims were based on a very spurious point. It went something like this: Eldredge and others teach you to get alone and listen for God's speaking. Since the bible says we are to pray verbally, any advice to listen to God is New Age, and an open door to the enemy. Pretty ridiculous reasoning.

I wondered as I went to bed last night--are things, even down to the closest relationships in my life a lie, or are You the liar? It felt like this matter HAD to be decided as an either/or. This is the thrust of those who would erect a cross here. All or nothing. To say anything else is to be a heretic and in danger of hell-fire. And by the way, decide NOW! And behind it all, it seems that I'm actually facing that old Groucho Marx question: Who ya gonna believe, me or your lyin' eyes?" Only now, You're asking the question. Do I reject everything that has come to mean "relational interaction" between Thee and me as a thing evil? Do I return to a faith-on-paper life and cast in the fires of judgment all that You seem to say that is of a personal and guiding and loving nature--even those things I find confirmed in Your Word? I ask, because to throw away every text that has been black-listed by those You've placed in leadership over me throws this away, too.

Last night, in bed before I slept, I came through the crisis of whether my debate was all within my own heart; whether it ended there. Was I just a reactionary, mildly delusional woman who just needed and got a good dose of reality? Many would say yes. But even last night, I committed my will to the reality of Your presence in my life...Your real, Holy Spirit presence. And before I slept, I remembered two things You'd told me recently:
1) All has not yet been revealed...
2)The altar is accepted...
If an offering I am to make--and this You've shown me in that domain of Your Spirit where we commune--then there must be an altar. I am exploring every grain of wood upon it, O Ezekiel.

Now this morning, I go into Your word and find You confirm my faith pledge of my will to Thee. I read in Mark 6 and 8 the stories of the feeding of the 5000 and the 4000. After the feeding of the 5000, You went walking on the water before Your disciples, and they thought You a ghost and were terrified, and this after they'd almost let You walk right past them. Why? Their hearts were too hard to remember the miracle of the loaves.


Mar 6:46
And when he had sent them away, he departed into a mountain to pray.
Mar 6:47
And when even was come, the ship was in the midst of the sea, and he alone on the land.
Mar 6:48
And he saw them toiling in rowing; for the wind was contrary unto them: and about the fourth watch of the night he cometh unto them, walking upon the sea, and would have passed by them.
Mar 6:49
But when they saw him walking upon the sea, they supposed it had been a spirit, and cried out:
Mar 6:50
For they all saw him, and were troubled. And immediately he talked with them, and saith unto them, Be of good cheer: it is I; be not afraid.
Mar 6:51
And he went up unto them into the ship; and the wind ceased: and they were sore amazed in themselves beyond measure, and wondered.
Mar 6:52
For they considered not [the miracle] of the loaves: for their heart was hardened.

So later when You fed the 4000, and then You proceeded to be straight away asked yet again for a sign by the Pharisees, You sighed Your deepest of sighs over their demand, because You were "seeing" more than just what was before Your eyes...You were seeing the end of the age. And when You therefore told Your disciples to beware the leaven of the Pharisees and of Herod, here again they had the chance to get the point, but they didn't. They took Your words to be about whether they remembered bread for this boat trip that followed this feeding. They made the here and now simply that, and made Your instruction about their immediate existence and took it in the vein of condemnation. And You said:


Mar 8:17
And when Jesus knew [it], he saith unto them, Why reason ye, because ye have no bread? perceive ye not yet, neither understand? have ye your heart yet hardened?
Mar 8:18
Having eyes, see ye not? and having ears, hear ye not? and do ye not remember?
Mar 8:19
When I brake the five loaves among five thousand, how many baskets full of fragments took ye up? They say unto him, Twelve.
Mar 8:20
And when the seven among four thousand, how many baskets full of fragments took ye up? And they said, Seven.
Mar 8:21
And he said unto them, How is it that ye do not understand?

You taught them to look to the larger meaning of the events of the story of life that played before them and involved them, but was nevertheless a story bigger than they were. Consider things like the number of loaves, You said. And this is the same sort of thing You say to me.

Then You proceeded to heal a man in two stages, one who had obviously been able to see at one time for he know even in that half-way point inhis healing what a tree and what a man should look like. Did they understand why such a healing should "go there" in this Gospel telling?
And then, even Peter had to hear this from Jesus after Jesus had looked at all of them:
Get thee behind me, Satan: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but the things that be of men. (8:33) Who hears that today? Even Peter?

So here was the question for me, as well. Would I walk with the Word in my hand, but continue to look at the events of life by limited vision? Or would I allow You to interpret them for me, in Your beautiful way? O God, may I never reason within myself condemnation over my lack of "real" bread when You are trying to give me hidden manna! I see now the machinations of Satan in these things that have tried my faith. It is like a bill before congress. To reject the bill is a wise thing, as much in the bill may indeed deny Your virgin birth, heaven, hell, etc. But, pork has been added to this bill...pork that should not be thrown away, the pork mentioned in the initial quote: the idea that if a person will actually listen to You, that person is embracing things New Age and evil. So what am I to do? Line item veto. But what do I say to those leaders who refuse to use such a tool? For their sake, I finish out that chapter from Mark:

Mar 8:34
And when he had called the people [unto him] with his disciples also, he said unto them, Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.
Mar 8:35
For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it.
Mar 8:36
For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
Mar 8:37
Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?
Mar 8:38
Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.

Will I be ashamed of Thee? No, I embrace Your testimony of Yourself to me.
I remember the words of Joshua...all the words of Joshua, not just the last part, easily thrown up in sanctimonious cross-stitching on people's comfy living room walls, but the whole passage. And I pray to humbly walk with Thee in all of it:

Jos 24:15
And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that [were] on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
Amen.

What do you call side-by-side?

A word from that little animal I noted in my last blog entry: the one frozen in a cold and dangerous place, a place easily inhabited by hungry predators. She reads...all morning...about this stuff, not just these few specific articles, but many many articles. Still wondering, Martin Luther, what would be your take on these days? And, what will the people 500 years from now have to say about this spiritual maelstrom of our day?

On one side:
http://www3.calvarychapel.com/ccof2/parsontoparson.pdf
Calvary chapel's positional statement for the church leaders to follow as they lead their people
www.apprising.org/archives/emergent_church
a list of general articles intended to expose the heresies of the Emergent movement

http://www.marshillchurch.org/audio/driscoll_sebts_092107.mp3
www.marshillchurch.org/sermonseries/religionsaves/week_08.aspx
a perspective on the emerging church "conversation" by a guy who was one of the early leaders, left, and now offers perspective on what his happening. MP3 for first one, video for second one.


On the other side:
words attributed to the calvary chapel founder's own son in a book called "Stories of Emergence"
“To authentically connect with people who don’t attend church requires us to make more than superficial changes in our external forms. We must undergo the painful process of changing our ways of thinking, our deep-set attitudes, and our mental paradigms. An old codger with a face-lift is still an old codger with a face-lift.

By now most Christians realize that we have an insider vocabulary - a specialized language that’s difficult for people outside our religious subculture to understand. The problem goes deeper than the fact people don’t understand what we mean by sin, redemption, atonement, and sanctification. The problem is that we ourselves have a faulty understanding of many words that freely fall from our lips. Our language is bound by old paradigms that no longer evoke the same reaction as when they were first introduced to mainstream culture. . . .

The difficulty people outside the church face when they experiment with visiting a church in not the form of service – some people are even interested in historic forms of worship and devotion – but the paradigms that control our thinking. We tend to be unconscious of our prejudices, but those are the first red flags that wave in front of our guests. . .
Old paradigms include male hegemony, strict adherence to hierarchy, the assumption that biblical quotations end all arguments, anti-intellectualism (including hostility toward the sciences), holiness codified in external norms, anger toward people who disagree with us, judgmentalism, rejection of human cultures, narrow-minded dogmatism, the inability to acknowledge that a person may have a valid point or truth, ridiculing critics rather than treating them with respect and compassion, dependence on religious institutions for salvation, the notion that rational apologetics will once again be the most important force in evangelism, telling people what to believe rather than helping them form their own beliefs, and so on.”

and:
http://emergent-us.typepad.com/emergentus/2005/06/official_respon.html

(this, too, was available for cut and paste so is listed here)
This is the response from some of the most prominent leaders in the Emegent movement.
"Our Response to Critics of Emergent
We offer this in response to recent criticisms, with the hope that it will cause some to better understand us and others to find hope in a document that they can sign on to.PDF here for download.
By Tony Jones, Doug Pagitt, Spencer Burke, Brian McLaren, Dan Kimball, Andrew Jones, Chris Seay

We continue to be amazed by the enthusiastic interest in the work of emergent, a conversation and friendship of which we are a small part. This conversation is bringing together a wide range of committed Christians and those exploring the Christian faith in wonderful ways, and many of us sense that God is at work among us. As would be expected, there have also been criticisms. A number of people have asked us to respond to these criticisms. These ten brief responses will, we hope, serve to clarify our position and suggest ways for the conversation to continue constructively for participants and critics alike. It is our hope and prayer that even our disagreements can bring us together in respectful dialogue as Christians, resulting in growth for all concerned.
First, we wish to say thanks to our critics for their honest feedback on our books, articles, speeches, blogs, events, and churches. We readily acknowledge that like all human endeavors, our work, even at its best, is still flawed and partial, and at its worst, deserves critique. We are grateful to those who help us see things we may not have seen without the benefit of their perspective. We welcome their input.
Second, we have much to learn from every criticism – whether it is fair or unfair, kindly or unkindly articulated. We pray for the humility to receive all critique with thoughtful consideration. Where we think we have been unfairly treated, we hope not to react defensively or to respond in kind, and where we have been helpfully corrected, we will move forward with gratitude to our critics for their instruction and correction. We especially thank those who seek to help us through cordial, respectful, face-to-face, brotherly/sisterly dialogue. As we have always said, we hope to stimulate constructive conversation, which involves point and counterpoint, honest speaking and open-minded listening. As a sign of good faith in this regard, we have invited and included the voices of our critics in some of our books, and as far as we know, have always treated these conversation partners with respect. We have also attempted to make personal contact with our critics for Christian dialogue. Even though most of these invitations have not been accepted, we hope that the friendly gesture is appreciated.
Third, we regretfully acknowledge that in our thought, writing, and speech, we have at times been less charitable or wise than we wish we would have been. Whenever possible we will seek to correct past errors in future editions of our books; when that is impossible, we will make other forms of public correction.
Fourth, we respect the desire and responsibility of our critics to warn those under their care about ideas that they consider wrong or dangerous, and to keep clear boundaries to declare who is "in" and "out" of their circles. These boundary-keepers have an important role which we understand and respect. If one of your trusted spiritual leaders has criticized our work, we encourage you, in respect for their leadership, not to buy or read our work, but rather to ignore it and consider it unworthy of further consideration. We would only ask, if you accept our critics’ evaluation of our work, that in fairness you abstain from adding your critique to theirs unless you have actually read our books, heard us speak, and engaged with us in dialogue for yourself. Second-hand critique can easily become a kind of gossip that drifts from the truth and causes needless division.
Fifth, because most of us write as local church practitioners rather than professional scholars, and because the professional scholars who criticize our work may find it hard to be convinced by people outside their guild, we feel it wisest at this juncture to ask those in the academy to respond to their peers about our work. We hope to generate fruitful conversations at several levels, including both the academic and ecclesial realms. If few in the academy come to our defense in the coming years, then we will have more reason to believe we are mistaken in our thinking and that our critics are correct in their unchallenged analyses.
Sixth, we would like to clarify, contrary to statements and inferences made by some, that yes, we truly believe there is such a thing as truth and truth matters – if we did not believe this, we would have no good reason to write or speak; no, we are not moral or epistemological relativists any more than anyone or any community is who takes hermeneutical positions – we believe that radical relativism is absurd and dangerous, as is arrogant absolutism; yes, we affirm the historic Trinitarian Christian faith and the ancient creeds, and seek to learn from all of church history – and we honor the church’s great teachers and leaders from East and West, North and South; yes, we believe that Jesus is the crucified and risen Savior of the cosmos and no one comes to the Father except through Jesus; no, we do not pit reason against experience but seek to use all our God-given faculties to love and serve God and our neighbors; no, we do not endorse false dichotomies – and we regret any false dichotomies unintentionally made by or about us (even in this paragraph!); and yes, we affirm that we love, have confidence in, seek to obey, and strive accurately to teach the sacred scriptures, because our greatest desire is to be followers and servants of the Word of God, Jesus Christ. We regret that we have either been unclear or misinterpreted in these and other areas.But we also acknowledge that we each find great joy and promise in dialogue and conversation, even about the items noted in the previous paragraph. Throughout the history of the church, followers of Jesus have come to know what they believe and how they believe it by being open to the honest critique and varied perspectives of others. We are radically open to the possibility that our hermeneutic stance will be greatly enriched in conversation with others. In other words, we value dialogue very highly, and we are convinced that open and generous dialogue – rather than chilling criticism and censorship – offers the greatest hope for the future of the church in the world.We regret that some of our critics have made hasty generalizations and drawn erroneous conclusions based on limited and selective data. We would welcome future critics to converse with us directly and to visit our churches as part of their research. Of course, they would find weaknesses among us, as they would among any group of Christians, including their own. But we believe that they would also find much to celebrate and find many of their suspicions relieved when they see our high regard for the scriptures, for truth, for worship, for evangelism, for spiritual formation, and for our fellow Christians – including our critics themselves.
Seventh, we have repeatedly affirmed, contrary to what some have said, that there is no single theologian or spokesperson for the emergent conversation. We each speak for ourselves and are not official representatives of anyone else, nor do we necessarily endorse everything said or written by one another. We have repeatedly defined emergent as a conversation and friendship, and neither implies unanimity – nor even necessarily consensus – of opinion. We ask our critics to remember that we cannot be held responsible for everything said and done by people using the terms "emergent" or "emerging church," any more than our critics would like to be held responsible for everything said or done by those claiming to be "evangelical" or "born again." Nobody who is a friend or acquaintance of ours, or who agrees with one of us in some points, should be assumed to agree with any of us on all points. Nobody should be held "guilty by association" for reading or conversing with us. Also, contrary to some uninformed reports, this conversation is increasingly global and cross-cultural, and because North Americans are only a small part of it, we urge people to avoid underestimating the importance of Latin American, African, Asian, European, and First Nations voices among us.
Eighth, we are aware that there is some debate about whether we should be considered evangelical. This is a cherished part of our heritage, but we understand that some people define this term more narrowly than we and in such a way that it applies to them but not to us. We will not quarrel over this term, and we will continue to love and respect evangelical Christians whether or not we are accepted by them as evangelicals ourselves. However others include or exclude us, we will continue to affirm an evangelical spirit and faith by cultivating a wholehearted devotion to Christ and his gospel, by seeking to join in the mission of God in our time, by calling people to follow God in the way of Jesus, and by doing so in an irenic spirit of love for all our brothers and sisters.(We hope that those who would like to disassociate us from the term evangelical will be aware of the tendency of some in their ranks toward narrowing and politicizing the term so that it only applies to strict Calvinists, conservative Republicans, people with specific views on U.S. domestic, foreign, military, or economic policy, single-issue voters, or some other subgroup. We pose no threat to these sincere people, nor do we wish to attack or discredit anyone, even though we do not wish to constrict our circle of fellowship to the parameters they propose.)
Ninth, we felt we should offer this encouragement to those who, like us, do not feel capable of living or explaining our faith in ways that would please all of our critics: if our work has been helpful to you, please join us in seeking to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace by not becoming quarrelsome or defensive or disrespectful to anyone – especially those who you feel have misrepresented or misunderstood you or us. As Paul said to Timothy, "The Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, patient when wronged." In addition he warned Timothy not to develop "an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions, and constant friction." The apostle James also wrote, "the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness." We believe it is better to be wronged than to wrong someone else; the Lord we follow was gentle and meek, and when he was reviled, he didn’t respond in kind.Instead of engaging in fruitless quarrels with our critics, we urge those who find our work helpful to pursue spiritual formation in the way of Christ, to worship God in spirit and truth, to seek to plant or serve in healthy and fruitful churches, to make disciples – especially among the irreligious and unchurched, to serve those in need, to be at peace with everyone as far as is possible, and to show a special concern for orphans and widows in their distress. We should keep careful control of our tongues (and pens or keyboards), and seek to be pure in heart and life, since this is "religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless."With millions suffering from hunger, disease, and injustice around the world, we hope that all of us – including our critics – can renew our commitment to "remember the poor" (Galatians 2:10) rather than invest excessive energy in "controversies about words." "They will know you are my disciples," Jesus said, not by our excessive disputation, but by our love. Words and ideas are essential, for they often set the course for thought and action, and constructive dialogue is needed and worthwhile, but we cannot let less productive internal debates preoccupy us at the expense of caring for those in need.
Tenth, we should say that along with a few critiques, we are receiving many grateful and affirming responses to our work. Respected theologians and other leaders have told us, either in private or in public, that they are grateful for the emergent conversation and that they stand with us and support us. We are frequently told that people sense God graciously at work in the emergent community. We hope that those who see problems will not overlook the signs of God’s presence and activity among us, just as we do not overlook our many faults, including those pointed out by our critics. Only time will tell what the full outcome will be, but in the meantime, we welcome the prayers of both friends and critics.We must once more thank both our critics and those who affirm our work, because we know that both are trying to help us in their respective ways, and both are trying to do the right thing before God – as we are. At the risk of redundancy, let us state once again that we welcome conversation with all who desire sincere and civil engagement over ideas that matter.If you would like to be involved in the emergent conversation and friendship, we warmly invite you to visit emergentvillage.com. And feel free to pass this response on to others for whom it may be helpful."

But most distressing of all to me on a personal level is when I found this quote that appointed Rob Bell among those who would drag You into the position of being a watered-down, New Age spokesman for divine-to-human relationship:

A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A COURSE IN MIRACLES
by the Christ-hating New Age Guru Marianne Williamson:

"our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond all measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us the most.’ We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, famous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just some of us; it’s in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. And as we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. (190,191, emphasis mine)"
Now if you are under the spell of Bell I admonish you in the Lord to ask yourself this critical question: What kind of a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ could agree with this above lie from the pit of Hell?

Here's why it bothers me: I found this very quote some time ago quoted--received it under unknown authorship--either on a forum or in a forwarded email. And at that time, I quoted it here in this blog as a great encouragement for the sake of accepting that rich and amazing commission You had put at my own personal feet through the synthesis of dreams and Bible study. I never took it to be "universal" to all human-kind. I saw it as speaking to the redeemed who are then told to go out and disciple according to Your commission and Your call. By these words, I found such encouragement that I could, like Gideon or like Moses, hear You call me to something so much larger than I'd ever dream You'd put on my table. Oddly, that which the ignorant would call a point of highest pride was at least for me the most profoundly humbling. How could You think I can do this? So my faith came up against its author and was bolstered. And since then, I've watched You, in Your great care and tenderness, groom me toward that very call...grooming that has been without spot or wrinkle and full of wisdom higher than I could ever have devised or constructed, wisdom not obvious to me until after I'd humbly submitted my will to You, time and time again.

Yes, I know that I know that I know I'm in deeper personal relationship with You now than I've ever been before. I also know that it is Your voice I hear and not the voice of some foreign shepherd, for You've allowed them to test me...and they look, feel, and sound quite different from You, even when they bandy Your own words around.

And still, I find all this is about to knock my feet out from under me. To me, what I face here is the equivalent of telling me everything You've shown me in my heart of hearts, all that personal guidance, the encouragement, the humor, the reconciliation where I was still blind to Your nature, the conviction and confession, and most of all the vitality that has washed all over my reading of Your word, the holy Bible...ALL of it was a sham. I simply can't believe that. To do so would be the same as agreeing to make a total denial of my faith. No, not even that would matter so much as the fact that it makes a total denial to me of Who You are.

I'd venture to say, "If I'm wrong about this, Lord, then show me," but the very ways that I hear You are the very thing I'm being told to reject. God help me. I suppose at the very least, it is time I stopped evangelizing or bearing witness of the wondrous ways You involve Yourself in this life You gave me until I know I'm not disrespecting the leadership You've placed over me. Lead me in the paths of righteousness, O God, for Your name's sake.

And What Is Courage?

Now is the close of the only season of the year defined by the word passion (passion other than the type that is associated with Valentine's Day, that is!) I looked up the definition. Many components fit the ideas I already had of passion, but this one caught my eye:
the state or capacity of being acted on by external agents or forces
and that is the one that preoccupies me right now.

I know someone who follows a well-established leader. This leader started great things many years ago; he started many souls on the path that leads to heaven, souls that were formerly wandering in the shifting sands. So the person I know loves this leader dearly, almost like a son loves a father. So, I wonder if he could even hear You whispering to him in this story?

David and Jonathan
1 Then David fled from Naioth at Ramah and went to Jonathan and asked, “What have I done? What is my crime? How have I wronged your father, that he is trying to take my life?”
2 “Never!” Jonathan replied. “You are not going to die! Look, my father doesn't do anything, great or small, without confiding in me. Why would he hide this from me? It's not so!”
3 But David took an oath and said, “Your father knows very well that I have found favor in your eyes, and he has said to himself, ‘Jonathan must not know this or he will be grieved.’ Yet as surely as the Lord lives and as you live, there is only a step between me and death.”
4 Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you want me to do, I'll do for you.”

I wonder what this man who loves his leader would think if You convicted him through this story; because right now, he is unwilling even to permit such a test to be run in his own heart concerning his leader's edicts. "I'd know if this were a problem!" he says. I wonder if he would hear You should You say, "As surely as you and I live, there is only a step between me and death." (That is, in this association of the faithful.)

When I heard some of the things this leader says not to watch, not to read...I find some of them I already have read, already have even quoted here. The passion in my own heart for Thee resonates like an overtone to the chord they strike when I read of their passion for You (and passion here by the definition: a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept.) I am mystified by the death being sentenced over these texts and small-group discussion videos. I have not been told directly why these things are condemned, but in the more general world, I've heard one argument: that this is a doorway that leads churches astray, to the place where they will not even mention Your name in their services. I know all about this...I attended one for two months, the second month being simply a test I myself ran in amazement, as I could hardly believe a place could call itself a church and yet succeed in not mentioning You at all for that long a time...they succeeded. I understand that argument. Another argument is made that scripture is being phased out of usage, and large chunks of the Bible are being scrapped. Well...I confess. I ran my own test here, and not before hand this time. I went straight to my church office and asked if we had any of the videos that were being professed "unwatchable." I was given three. In one of these, great scriptural support was given to the idea that a person needs quiet, personal intimate time with You--and the scriptural support included a series of I'd say 7 quotes from all over the Bible--Deuteronomy to the words of prophets to the Gospels. I must have been wrong about that side of the argument...because the scripture is there. Maybe it was that idea of You not receiving the laud You are due. So I watched another one. I literally cried as I saw one of the most beautiful analogies made representing Your love for us Your children as being much like a father carrying an infant child through a sudden storm. Sin is the storm that overtakes and becomes the whole reality of us--the terrified infant, yet You have taken us safely through it, comforting our petrified or angry screams with Your love all the way. That this person's message is being classified as harmful causes me to go very still somewhere inside--like a little animal knowing that something in its environment has suddenly gone very wrong. And I ache in my belly. Will I soon be told not to read Nouwen, because I don't have purgatory in my own life-doctrine? Is all of Augustine's work bad--for instance, the evangelistic message found in the testimony of his own conversion--because I find points of disagreement with some of this theology in his Confessions?

I've thought a lot lately about Your words concerning taking up our crosses and following You. One thing I believe about a cross: no one hangs on it alone, not really. To see someone on that cross forces every onlooker to take a stand, even if only in the heart, over whether that one hangs there according to justice or not. It is the point at which grace finishes its work in the hearts of many...as they are forced to take a stand of will. Every cross that follows the afflictions of Christ, if it be a true one, leads to this.

There are people around this man--the one who loves his leader, and they are people that he has respected as Your children over the course of many days, and they are people who are in his world right now, breathing the air he breathes, singing the songs he sings. And, they are people who are recognizing this as You appointing just such a cross to them, a cross in which they cry out, "It's not enough that your Bible isn't dusty. It also has to breathe!" In my own heart, I'd say these are people whose relationship to You is well-enough established that I find Your Spirit recognizes itself between them and me. They are the ones saying to this man:
"Test the word you are hearing to know if it is of God."

Can he sit at such a banquet as Jonathan sat at with his father for David's sake? My prayer is that he can. My expectation is that he is positioned where he is "for such an hour as this..."

What Do You Call Rapture?

Saturday night before Easter, my family went to see a cantata, Behold the Lamb, at a local high school. It was a very fine production, but as the message of invitation was given and the salvation prayer was made, I slipped into that zone where You and I meet. That place that is so precious to me, my Lord. In this image-prayer of my own, I saw myself approach that fountain of blood (the pastor who hosted the production just read us the lyrics of the hymn, There Is a Fountain Filled with Blood.) But the blood was not like most blood. It was more like a precious gem glittering like a liquid garnet in a lighted basin. I put my feet over the side of that fountain and sat on its edge, then quietly slid down into the red waters. I lay there with my arms stretched along the edges, the concrete still holding the warmth of a summer's day, though it was night, the waters gurgling all around me like a caress. And I rested. I so needed rest.

Then, I stood and walked to the splashing center. I stood in the flow like it was a shower, letting it drench and cleanse me. I danced through the flow like it was a ribbon in my hands as I engaged in worship dance. Then hearing the echo filter through the soft splashing: the inside of the cup needed cleansing as well, I opened my mouth and let the sweet quenching flow run down my throat. Suddenly, I heard Your voice, and it held a chuckle under the words.

"Putting your feet in would have been sufficient," You said.

I threw the wet hair out of my face, running my hand back from my forehead over my head and down to clasp my neck, shaking my head to clear my eyes to see You better, opening my mouth wide to catch a fresh breath. I saw You there. It is always so lovely when You come near. And I caught the reference You made: the foot washing of Your disciples.

I thought of the image-flash You gave me once: the bloody footprint in deep, dry dust. I thought of the scripture reference I saw recently, the one that prophesies that priests who walk in iniquity carry such a bloody footstep across the ground, and I knew why You chose that particular act of servanthood for Your disciples...not just as servant but as prophet You washed their feet--that they might be better priests for Your kingdom in the days after You ascended. How perfect are Your ways, O God. How deep are Your thoughts, even more than You feel compelled to reveal, but it is enough that You know what You are about. How is it that we forget that You know Your Word better than we do?

So I smiled. "You know my heart, my Love," I said. "Why should I not submerge myself completely...I know what You are saying...only my feet need to be clean, but I am not in the waters of Your blood just for that, I am here because every part of me wants Your love....."

And the prayer--both mine and the audience's came to a close...and the glorious scene in Your heavenly throne room began.

The Enigma

Proverbs 1:5-6
A wise [man] will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:
To understand a proverb, and the interpretation (enigma); the words of the wise, and their dark sayings (or perplexing riddles).

Why do so few consider enigma and perplexing riddles from God a thing to receive with anticipation and delight, to study with a laser-focus intensity of all one's faculties? Here is what I mean, one for me right now:

I took a cleansing walk before a prayer meeting at church a few weeks ago. I walked into a grove of bushes, just when the setting sun made the sky gleam pale pink and blue, and the snowy ground shone as silver. The bushes in this grove where I walked were strangely iced, with an ice that appeared like frozen tear drops on the bare and slender branches. I saw this just after receiving a sense of revelation that frozen precipitation is one of Your lessons about prophecy, O God. For even as snow sits upon the earth, it's power to water the earth is merely a thing visible, and not yet something accomplished. But that the earth will know the watering is as certain as is the spring itself.

I wonder if this was on the mind of the Psalmist when he wrote:

Psa 147:15
He sendeth forth his commandment [upon] earth: his word runneth very swiftly.
Psa 147:16
He giveth snow like wool: he scattereth the hoarfrost like ashes.
Psa 147:17
He casteth forth his ice like morsels: who can stand before his cold?
Psa 147:18
He sendeth out his word, and melteth them: he causeth his wind to blow, [and] the waters flow.

I wondered if this is why God used imagery of conception with talk of frozen things when He questioned Job:
Job 38:29
Out of whose womb came the ice? and the hoary frost of heaven, who hath gendered it?
...and why He considered snow and hail to have treasures, if not the treasure of a promise waiting to be fulfilled?
Job 38:22
Hast thou entered into the treasures of the snow? or hast thou seen the treasures of the hail...

So I considered these bushes that wore their promise of tears. Some days later, I dreamed of those same bushes...a fleeting image of them razed to the ground. Only freshly-cut stumps remained--so many of them, and so narrow--a half inch maybe above ground. I do not yet know what that means...the days of the free-will of the people involved are days not yet accomplished, and I have learned that in things prophetic--as opposed to those things called psychic prediction, in these things the free will of man is a factor until the "snow melts." It is why the imagery is always so amazing and so beautiful--because no matter what man may decide to do to make that image a reality--something good or something bad--still God proves sovereign in the image. Hence the enigma. And hence the majesty and wonder in the day of revelation.

A few days later, I saw another bush, onece again with tear-drops scattered across it. But this bush was not frozen. What can I say? I walked out today to see those bushes. The tiniest buds of green burst mysteriously from their small branches. How can it be? Where was the break in the wood that made room for them?
And as I look at Psalm 80, and I think of standing there in my grove of hedges, I find myself wondering what is to be for them...and for me.


Psa 80:1
[[To the chief Musician upon Shoshannimeduth, A Psalm of Asaph.]] Give ear, O Shepherd of Israel, thou that leadest Joseph like a flock; thou that dwellest [between] the cherubims, shine forth.
Psa 80:2
Before Ephraim and Benjamin and Manasseh stir up thy strength, and come [and] save us.
Psa 80:3
Turn us again, O God, and cause thy face to shine; and we shall be saved.
Psa 80:4
O LORD God of hosts, how long wilt thou be angry against the prayer of thy people?
Psa 80:5
Thou feedest them with the bread of tears; and givest them tears to drink in great measure.
Psa 80:6
Thou makest us a strife unto our neighbours: and our enemies laugh among themselves.
Psa 80:7
Turn us again, O God of hosts, and cause thy face to shine; and we shall be saved.
Psa 80:8
Thou hast brought a vine out of Egypt: thou hast cast out the heathen, and planted it.
Psa 80:9
Thou preparedst [room] before it, and didst cause it to take deep root, and it filled the land.
Psa 80:10
The hills were covered with the shadow of it, and the boughs thereof [were like] the goodly cedars.
Psa 80:11
She sent out her boughs unto the sea, and her branches unto the river.
Psa 80:12
Why hast thou [then] broken down her hedges, so that all they which pass by the way do pluck her?
Psa 80:13
The boar out of the wood doth waste it, and the wild beast of the field doth devour it.
Psa 80:14
Return, we beseech thee, O God of hosts: look down from heaven, and behold, and visit this vine;
Psa 80:15
And the vineyard which thy right hand hath planted, and the branch [that] thou madest strong for thyself.
Psa 80:16
[It is] burned with fire, [it is] cut down: they perish at the rebuke of thy countenance.
Psa 80:17
Let thy hand be upon the man of thy right hand, upon the son of man [whom] thou madest strong for thyself.
Psa 80:18
So will not we go back from thee: quicken us, and we will call upon thy name.
Psa 80:19
Turn us again, O LORD God of hosts, cause thy face to shine; and we shall be saved.

Prayer and prophetic dreaming--the frisbee

How strange that so many of us forget that You can be whimsical, O God.

Last year I had several dreams, ones that were only half-defined, ones that were only noteworthy in the strangeness and disconnectedness of their imagery. But were these not the footprints of your prevenient grace, leading me onward? Is it surprising, that now these disconnected images are the very ones that give shape to the things You have to say about the road ahead of me? Were they not images shot through with those very threads of whimsy that are nevertheless as strong as cords of steel when they come fromYour mind?

So here is just a start in describing a series of dreams that together form a cycle connected by this theme of playful intimate winking from Your eye, O God, as You leads me through what is such a strain for me and yet is such an easy matter for You--a refresher about Your nature much needed by me right now as well.

In this first dream--one I had over a year ago--I stopped along a road, a four-lane divided highway, and it was a road in a suburb near here called Carmel on a road I know as Rangeline Road. It was there that a young man lay face down on a stretcher in the road's median. I did not know who he was as he was face down, but now I can see for the first time why the road should be "that" road, for as I look at the definition of that word rangeline...I see many reasons that word is fitting--everything from that fact that a range is a thing that has the power to serve as a heating element (which will make more sense later in this text) to the fact that it is about a group of individuals in one order--which also comes to be a factor as this person's real identity comes to be revealed and our being of the same order--to its meaning "the horizontal distance to which a projectile can be propelled" considering the use of a Frisbee--such is the poetic economy of You, O God. The reason for this road was always a mystery--too obscure for me to even see fit to mention it in describing the dream, and now so very pertinent. As always, You remind me that You never waste anything--not a single image in a communication if it is from You, not a hair lost, not a bird fallen. But who loves You enough to perceive Your heart in these small things? (sigh) But I digress.
In the dream, and at the scene of this mishap, the lights of the emergency vehicles shone on this young man's shoulders where they rose up from the blanket the ambulance crew had thrown across him. The blue light shone upon those shoulders in such a way that it seemed like a living, glowing mist, and I approached it with my hands outstretched in prayer. Strangely, as I prayed that blue glowing mist grew, becoming a large sphere, the size of a man in its diameter, still glowing and still misty blue as it grew. To see the full-sized orb felt like a great work accomplished, a very good thing completed. For over a year now, I've held that dream loosely in the back of my mind, waiting to see who it was I prayed for and why, waiting to see how I might be a part of the growth of that beautiful sphere of Your light in someone. Now, over the past few months, You've brought a young man across my path--a man the age of my eldest son. Are You giving him the first evidences of Your God-breathed images in his dreams? Is He beginning to believe that You might shape communication with him such that it preceeds and leads his reading of Your word, a thing common between Thee and me but strange to so many. (Not everyone is like Coach, who when I meet him in the hall and I call out, "Hi, Coach," responds with "Hi, Prophet." Ha.) You know, O God, that I have been obedient to share with him what You've impressed upon me, and he and I have considered these things together, looked at the scriptural parallels, the signature verses that give these images sanctioning as genuine words from Thee, and we look at how You might define the purpose and the draw of what King Solomon called the enigmas hidden in these images. Whats more, a year ago when I had that dream, that young man was indeed at a place in his natural life (unbeknownst to me) where a dilemma springing from the possible choices of allegiance set before him did cause him a need of emergency care from the hands of Your angels.

That this particular young man was the one in this dream came to me gradually--well, is even still coming as is evident in my realization of the significance of the name of the road and of the city it runs through--a Carmel that was formerly called Bethlehem--all this and more are Your gentle affirmations; and even before now they were enough that I decided to share this dream with this young man, particularly the significance of the shoulders and the swell of Your holy light as the dream progressed...for this seemed the most prominent feature to me. I searched this word "shoulder" in my Bible's concordance and found verses I shared with him, verses about more ways this same Hebrew word is used besides our commonly understood meaning of shoulder, words about government and the bringing of people to a place of comment consent in matters of possible division. But this verse spoke to me personally as well:

Isa 22:22
And the key of the house of David will I lay upon his shoulder; so he shall open, and none shall shut; and he shall shut, and none shall open.

Interestingly, this young man's name is David.
As a brief aside, I should say that twice before in my life I have had God tell me He would use someone to do something mysteriously beneficial to me, an offering of help to get me "unstuck" from a place of either confusion or blindness as to my purpose. Both times, and then this time as well, I got so excited about the "heavenly" vision of relief in a point of consternation--that I practically scared these precious ones with my exuberance, as I shared with them that they were to be that "tool in God's hand" and then proceeded to beg them to put themselves to the task. Of course, every time (this one included) God caused these people to balk at the idea, mainly because it was never intended to be their idea nor their initiative anyway...it was all God's work. Here again I was waiting to see how You would use this young man to be the "key of David" for me in resolving specifically the question of whether You were calling me to remain at the job I currently hold or to look for You to lead me elsewhere. Lately, I've had "leadings" both toward staying at my current job and toward going on to something different. Every time I'd think the "door" of divine-invitation opened one particular direction, but then the door to the other path would fly open, too, and invite me just as prominently. Meanwhile, I'd "heard" from You (even before this question of what I'd be doing next year was put to me by the school administration)--I'd heard from You that You intended to be silent for a time. How frustrating it can be to submit in all that. Fortunately, when I told my administrators that I thought You might take a little time in answering me, they were sensitive enough to Your ways that they accepted that idea, even chuckled at it--I suppose as they recollected similar issues they themselves had faced with regards to respecting Your timing.

In any case, You gave me a beautiful vision of how You'd use this young man to help me. But how do I share it, God? No wonder the prophets were so often killed. True vision from Thee is full of Your kind of intimacy, a fearless nearness, a transparency that is easy because it springs from flawlessness; but in the hearts of ones depraved does it not stir up their own knee-jerk lewdness their own automatic greed, etc? It is easy to tell of your excellent communication if the hearer has ever felt You come and speak to them in Your sweet transparency and goodness, but if they have never known You like that, it is indeed the difference between a cornerstone and a stumblingblock...Well, here is the vision and then the interpretation that came to me. In it, I was a body, head to torso only, lying face down, in a prostrate position before You, with my arms up, my hands basically parallel to my ears on the plane of the ground, my head turned so as to have my right cheek toward the sky. And this young man came over me, also only perceivable as a head to torso body. Strangely, he lay on my back, matching exactly every body part, arm to arm, cheek to cheek. As he lay there, a warmth spilled over me that turned to a deeper type of fire across my shoulder blades, that very same place I'd been drawn to look when I saw the glow originate in my first dream of this young man. And the verses about what these "shoulders" being the chosen part of the Body that speaks to what governs our choices sprang to my mind, as well as this one about this young man's unique way of being a key, one blessed not only with the gift of being "causative" as Blaise Pascal once said of the amazing gift God gives us when He gives us the privilege of prayer. No, this goes further. Any such key will ultimately prove--to be not only causative but also conclusionary. They are Your bringers of finality, an end-cap to the prayer threads You called forth in days past. Such I think might be the nature of many children in this young man's generation before You. So because he is a key that opens what should stay open and closes what should stay closed...permanently, then he is a fitting choice for Your hand to take up in aiding my sight to see what should be before me as doors of permanence that of late has seemed to be swinging purposelessly. So I heard from this dream that what would govern my placement next year would somehow come through him. Strange in every economy but Yours.

As for the image of the two bodies aligned with an exact matching of body parts, I think of the story of the strange healing of the woman's son in the history of the prophet Elijah and the corresponding miracle that was one of the hallmark ones marking Elisha as the receiver of Elijah's mantle, actually it is morein keeping with the latter. "...And he went up and lay on the child, and put his mouth on his mouth, his eyes on his eyes, and his hands on his hands; and he stretched himself out on the child, and the flesh of the child became warm..." 2 Kings 4:34 Somehow, the story of the associated ministries of these two prophets--this is part of what God is saying in these things. But for now, the reason is in a place too lofty, too far from the natural expression--for me to quite understand. If You see fit to bring it down to me, I'll know more. They say that the true intimate of God is not the one who knows Your secret sorrows but the one who knows Your secret joys. May it be so for me, O God, for this felt like a joyous holy warmth across my own shoulders. Let it be so, God.

Well, I waited and I studied on how this "type" of revelation has worked for me in the past, and I realized that always before, when the person actually did "become" that tool in God's hand, God brought the revelation to its closure in the natural world in the form of that person asking me a question. In my providing the answer to that question for Your name's sake, I proceeded to discover how they did indeed serve as a tool for Thee. Then would follow a great leap of awareness regarding my relationship to Thee and the stark significance of formerly dead, or else merely poetic, scripture would fly before me with such intensity I could hardly keep up with Your amazing brilliance.

But this time it is a little different. I think I see the way this young man has indeed inadvertently opened one door and closed the other. And true to the form of all these revelations, he very nearly could have served his purpose without ever being aware of it, for the answer from You does indeed hang on a thing that the boy does not know has anything to do with You and me. Here I come full circle to the element of whimsy. But this time, one element is running backward (but should I be surprised? For the idea of a backward look is also one You've stirred upon me lately, and one You're even now just coming to define in the covenant language of Your Old Testament prophets.) I find that this time I have to ask him something, a ridiculously small thing--such a pristine example of the foolishness of God that we read is so much wiser than the wisdom of men.

So, David, here is the subject of interest to me: When you said you just bought yourself a Frisbee, and when you spoke of how having a new Frisbee was a thing you had anticipated with relish for quite some time, you nevertheless failed to tell me what color it was. And that is my question. I saw an orange one between your feet when you were playing the other day. Is the one you got for yourself an orange one?

Edit--after making inquiry, I learned he bought two oranges and a white one. The orange ones are the ones of interest to me. I dreamed a year or so ago of an orange frisbee strangely placed in a very sequential dream. I'm going back into my old dream/prayer journals to see more of that dream. That I may be on the right track--that this frisbee-bearer (ha) might be a marker to indicate my place in that other dream looks pretty likely. Scott even commented on having seen our old broken orange frisbee, suddenly revealed by the melted snow, in a pile of dead leaves while he threw for the dog. This on the day after I began thinking on these things...my mark of redundancy that You often give me to show I'm on the right track.

Vacation Pics

I wonder how many blog entries have gone under that same title. How many have shown scenes in the same setting: Disney World. That mystical place where life imitates art imitating life. Still the kids have a difficult time grasping the full magnitude of their good fortune at some points on their visit, a fact particularly evident when being spotlighted by a mother who is ever a teacher by profession and a father who is ever demanding their picture be taken alongside numerous pieces of statuary, topiary, etc. Nonetheless, the elusive "good shot" occasionally finds its way onto the little card of photos.

O Holy City, Seen of John

A few days ago I was sitting at the piano, thumbing through an old hymnal and playing songs, considering possibilities to arrange for elementary band when I came across this hymn whose title is shown as this blog title. There is one phrase in the hymn whose words prompt a concept that gave me pause as Imeditated on its meaning. I've been thinking about blogging its impression on me for a week now but haven't had time. Today, I'm making time, and dedicating it to a John I know who could use such a hope on this very day. Here is the lyric that caught my eye in reference to the city of Jerusalem in the age to come when it attains that mystical status:
"...wherein whose four walls shall come no night, nor need, nor pain,
and where the tears are wiped from eyes that shall not weep again."

I paused at this vision in my mind: my hand wiping tears from my cheek with the full-knowledge that I would never cry tears of grief again. Never. My cheek would always be dry of tears that sprang from such a pain-prompt. What a concept.

The idea of a future of bliss is often elusive because of its abstractness, its remoteness from our present state of being. No matter what our life circumstances, we all find moments when tears of grief are the perfect response. But what a beautiful detail is in this hymn; a detail given the power to make that elusive bliss an easy reach. May the John I know and all those dear to him be able to embrace such a hope for their own futures.

On Giving...when even taking a breath

is costly.



Funny what being sick does to you. Really sick, I mean. Not the kind that is inconvenient, but you can take a couple of aspirin and get on with the day. I mean the kind where you lay shivering, feeling a distinct pain associated with every heartbeat and wondering when you'll ever hit bottom of this abyss. I mean the kind that leaves you feeling strange and disassociated from the world, giving you pause when you go back out that front door to meet other humans and resume your daily activity again...it is similar to the strangeness you feel slipping into the sanctuary after a month of not quite making it to church.



I "went back to work" Thursday. Friday was better, but a long day. It has been a bad time to have the flu, as Valentine's Day is the one time of year my band has a fundraiser: the sale of friendship-grams. We are a very loving school--some even call us a hippie school for all the peace and good-will floating around at family events, and I'd believe it as a large percentage of the kids at "family movie night" ran around most of the night sans shoes, but I digress. In this fundraiser we average the sale of about 800 of these little well-wishing treats, but it is a huge volume of organizational work.



Fortunately, I had a band mom who stepped in and took charge of it for me while I was flat on my back for three days. This would not seem so odd if we were a long-standing program fitted out with a "booster group" and a "band parent president" as is common in larger programs. We are not that big yet. This was genuinely in the category of a gift; one almost mystical in its richness. I think of how I wallowed, on the second day of my affliction, in self-pity over how much easier it was to be sick as a child, in those days when a mother's care was never too far away. Now as an adult, a need for a new roll of toilet paper to come up from the downstairs bathroom to where I was: in the upstairs bathroom, this was enough to make me cry. I snuffled along about missing my mother's cool hand on my forehead. I reminded myself that "lung-stuff makes you tearful" a doc once told me. Well, the next morning, this band mom emailed me saying she could cover for me another day, thatI should stay home and rest, not to push myself, and then she added parenthetically, "just pretend I'm your mom talking!" Well, my lungs were still clogged enough that I teared up again.



It all got me to thinking how ever since Christmas, we seem to be seeing a theme in our lives: receiving gifts that help in times of need. I remembered how when we went camping at Disney, we had some friends who graciously wanted to invest in our family's memory-building, and so they gifted us the cost of our camping and then some. God commemorated their gift by planting us in a campsite that was sandwiched between French Canadians on one side and Virginians on the other, both points that reminded us of this couple who are our dear friends and benefactors in this instance.

I thanked God for all these timely gifts and began to wonder...

INTERMISSION
and then 24 hours later: I sit here wondering how I intended to finish that sentence yesterday. I stopped typing to engage in a creaky conversation with my husband (my voice is shot) which led to a trip to the doctor which led to penicillin and a decongestant in a little bag with a red border and a bright red label marked "critical." Ha! Then deep disorientation. This morning, Scott said, "Try not taking the Entex...just take the antibiotic, and voila...I can sit up, focus my vision on a chosen subject and other such lofty goals (by yesterday's standards anyway.) What doesn't kill you makes you healthy again I guess...

I remember now what I wanted to write about yesterday--a dream answer to a question of giving and spending. We've had so many other people help us out this last year. Even today the singer in Scott's band is coming over, making lasagna, running my sweeper--because when they came by yesterday to pick up equipment for a rehearsal she saw the state I was in, flung out across the couch; and, remembering her own case of walking pneumonia last year, she was quick to insist on giving aid.

Funny, that positive side effect of suffering or even remembered suffering. It is a great motivator toward active compassion. Why is that? I understand the altruism that brings with it a guarantee of some personal publicity, even in a small circle, for the giver. But what is this strange power or gift found in suffering such that it awakens in someone the capacity to be the widow giving her two mites?

I'll confess I am as prone as anyone to look at those people who live "sunny" lives in areas where I suffer much stumbling darkness: finances, health, etc. I wonder at times who I'd be if I'd had a sunny life in those areas? I wonder what makes a person get such a life? Is it automatic, or is it the result of great effort and talent, as most people with such lives would be wont to tell you? (I know I'd want to attribute it thusly if I had it!) If that's the case, then I am an idiot-savant in a zebra pattern, because I--and others would concur--have streaks of brilliance across me, too, in other areas: ones that are so patently of God-origin that I can't claim them to be the result of my talent and effort. More to the point, they are areas that don't particularly make daily life any simpler to live. Solomon or Jeremiah--don't remember which--said "time and chance happen to everyone." So the automatic answer must factor in there somewhere, for though effort sometimes brings a souffle, it sometimes results in spilled goo that must be mucked up off the floor.

And so I find myself facing a God who is leading me into a new bower, one previously unexplored by me. A dream opened its doorway. In that dream, God (as a Father who comforted his crying child just after He'd chastened the youngster and brought him to repentence) looked up at me and said, "There's more to Jesus than tears." As I studied on this strange statement, I was reminded of the verse:
Psa 30:5
For his anger [endureth but] a moment; in his favour [is] life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy [cometh] in the morning.

So I began a fresh reading of the Gospels, looking for a "different" facet of Jesus. rather than just the anguished languid man dragging his way to Golgotha. Not that I'm looking to diminish that! Rather that I'm looking to enhance it. In dreams and visions I've seen the man who laughs and dances and rides wild horses with eyes that throw sparks of encitement then lays Himself down in warm summer grasses, affectionate and companionable beside His love in a garden. I've seen His nature and how infectious is His personality, but can I also find that side of Him in the written text about His human life?

But before I could launch very far into such a study, I was hit with this infection; and I was reminded once again that my own "wealth" of vision serves little effect in protecting me from what could ravage me in this world. I fell asleep with the question on my mind, "Why, God? Why are my prayers for others so effective, yet I still can't pray myself "out" of a single nasty vius? Why can't I have a little while to "learn" what kind of person I'd be if I were one of those women who didn't have to address 90% of her energy to the concerns of others--not because she's particularly altruistic but because she's kind of "stuck" there? (That last is tongue-in-cheek, for I know what a selfish brat I was in college and shortly thereafter.)

That night, I had a dream that Scott and I were promoting an upcoming Christmas to our sons, whipping up excitement to a frothy high. Somewhere carousel horses were even involved. Then suddenly, Christmas was upon us and we'd spent so much time anticipating it that we'd forgotten to buy any gifts for the boys. (If you know us, you'd realize this is hardly a fantasy element in the dream.) I looked at him and said, "What are we going to do?" I began to pray. And I felt God tell me, "Tell the boys this is their most fantastic gift--the best gift ever..." which was our slogan and how we'd billed this Christmas to them during all those days of anticipation. Divinity continued: "Tell each boy to go to his room and choose something he owns that he thinks someone else might like. Tell him he is going to bring it out of the house and give it away. For receiving the power to give is the best gift a person can receive." That was the end of the dream.

When I woke, I saw the connection with this same theme of looking beyond the hardship and "correction" that had visited me in the other dream. I woke to a new and strange quietness about the whole topic of need vs. affluence. There is a frenzy in our society right now: what are you doing with your excess? Are you re-investing it? Get out there and spend, spend, spend! What? No excess? Here we'll throw you a bone, but just promise you'll get out there and spend it the minute the check hits your mailbox...and of course, all this to avoid looking down into the pit that has the big R word bubbling at the bottom, refusing to even project what the complexion of a first-time-ever global recession might look like, for economic woes are harder to quarantine these days.

...Yet as for me, I hear God say: Don't listen to the dying. Consider this question I'd put before you: What are you capable of doing with what I've already given you, particularly when it doesn't feel like an "excess" but rather is the stuff that meets your deepest needs, when in giving you find you suffer more than inconvenience for the loss of it? Can you even then hold it loosely? And when you give it away, will you reckon the investment to offer an interest package of morning joy even in the dark night of weeping when you first lay the "money" down? Finally, can you see in the end that this "contest" is more like a synchronized swimming event than a race as I not only measure what you'll do for others but also what others do for you. Can you trust that even as you give thereby creating a gap in your own personal ecomony, I will nevertheless fill that gap with the provision needed, and by the hands of other needy ones. And never mind the need-gap the swells up in their lives as I'll bring others alongside to help them.

Like working one of those sliding-pieces puzzle games. The hole gapes and moves around while the pieces are shuffled about, but eventually every piece is in the proper place to make a picture. The picture in the end is always the objective. The picture of joy in the morning.

Game-on...

Spider, spider burning bright...

...which is not, I know, the way the little poem goes, but which perfectly fits what I've been seeing in my mind's eye lately.

I chatted with a friend the other day--a woman who is a frequent prayer partner of mine--about how the "prayer prompts" in my life seem to to be caught up in some sort of exponential expansion these last few months. For instance, lately, I keep "seeing" phosphorescent or flourescent--not sure which--spiders. I'll be walking along, carrying a laundry basket, free as a lark of all cares when poof, my mind is filled with the image of a green glowing spider, or just as I'm on the "cusp of sleep" (an apt description of the place where many visions project themselves, as given by another young visionary friend of mine) and similarly glowing droplets will hang on cobwebs in a field of pitch black.

For a few weeks I've wondered what is the meaning of those thematic images that suddenly and inexplicably pop into my head. I think about the fact that my husband--the man who is one of the most fearless men I know--has an irrational fear of one thing only: spiders. Then I notice in the news feed that a strange discovery has been made on the far side of Mercury--a spidery looking land feature that gives credence to the hypothesis that the small planet is shrinking. I think about the fact that the ancient Greeks or Romans--though they did not believe in the Hebrew God still had to give a nod to His sovereign creational Spirit of truth and revelation-- even they named this planet the Messenger planet.

So although it might seem strange, and although I don't quite know why, I find myself praying for this little planet: I pray that if Mercury is to become bright with pupose according to the light of the One in whom there is no darkness; if it is to be so lit that even its spidery dark side, and even that part of space that it calls home become prominent against the darkness that enfolds it; then may these indeed be aglow with divinely prescribed destiny. I pray that it might follow its courses and meet its future according to the power hidden in the hand of God.

Now I wonder is my prayer for Mercury the planet, for someone connected with the "life" of this little world, or is this prayer circuit triggered somehow for both?

Too weird.